Courage

by Deborah

Excited, terrified, and wearing a strange knit helmet, but still ready to jump!

 

In moving to Texas, I left a lot of things behind.  Sometimes it feels like I left myself, my identity, behind.   I suppose I did, in a way.  I am no longer the person I used to be, and nor should I be.  I should be growing and changing and evolving.  However, I worked for a long time to become that person, I liked her and was proud of her, and I am having a hard time letting go of her.  Plus, I'm not entirely sure who the new me is and who I want to be.

I am having to re-invent myself.  I have to try new things, take some chances, let go, and embrace.  I have taken a few steps toward doing that.  I signed up for two online classes.  One started this week, the other starts next week.  One is about taking risks and the other is a writing workshop.

I have already begun Andrea Scher's Cultivating Courage and it's scary and supportive and fun and thought-provoking.  Today's challenge had to do with asking for help, and that has had me thinking all day.  I work hard to set up support networks, especially when it comes to childcare, which is the thing that handcuffs me the most.  Thinking about where in my life I felt like I needed help or support, the thing that felt most true was that I feel like I need a cheerleader.  Someone to applaud or laugh or encourage me as I go through the grind of being a wife and mom, someone to recognize the day-in, day-out contributions I make relentlessly behind the scenes to keep everyone happy and fulfilled.  So that's what I am going to try to seek out a little more consciously.  And if any of you want to volunteer, the answer is yes.

Next Monday I start Alice Bradley's The Practice of Writing, and I am very nervous about it.  I have often thought I would be a professional writer "someday" and I feel like I'm dipping my toe in the waters of maybe that being now.  I feel intimidated and unqualified and uncertain, but I think it will be a good catalyst to get me jumpstarted on writing more seriously.  The good thing is that I can definitely use this as one of my brave things for Andrea's course because it sure scares the crap out of me!

These e-courses are great because I can do them on my own timeline, don't have to arrange babysitting to show up to class, and can do it at my own pace and privately.  It seems like a good place to start experimenting and growing.

What would you do if you were being brave?