Thursday, October 11, 2012


by Deborah

Excited, terrified, and wearing a strange knit helmet, but still ready to jump!
In moving to Texas, I left a lot of things behind.  Sometimes it feels like I left myself, my identity, behind.   I suppose I did, in a way.  I am no longer the person I used to be, and nor should I be.  I should be growing and changing and evolving.  However, I worked for a long time to become that person, I liked her and was proud of her, and I am having a hard time letting go of her.  Plus, I'm not entirely sure who the new me is and who I want to be.

I am having to re-invent myself.  I have to try new things, take some chances, let go, and embrace.  I have taken a few steps toward doing that.  I signed up for two online classes.  One started this week, the other starts next week.  One is about taking risks and the other is a writing workshop.

I have already begun Andrea Scher's Cultivating Courage and it's scary and supportive and fun and thought-provoking.  Today's challenge had to do with asking for help, and that has had me thinking all day.  I work hard to set up support networks, especially when it comes to childcare, which is the thing that handcuffs me the most.  Thinking about where in my life I felt like I needed help or support, the thing that felt most true was that I feel like I need a cheerleader.  Someone to applaud or laugh or encourage me as I go through the grind of being a wife and mom, someone to recognize the day-in, day-out contributions I make relentlessly behind the scenes to keep everyone happy and fulfilled.  So that's what I am going to try to seek out a little more consciously.  And if any of you want to volunteer, the answer is yes.

Next Monday I start Alice Bradley's The Practice of Writing, and I am very nervous about it.  I have often thought I would be a professional writer "someday" and I feel like I'm dipping my toe in the waters of maybe that being now.  I feel intimidated and unqualified and uncertain, but I think it will be a good catalyst to get me jumpstarted on writing more seriously.  The good thing is that I can definitely use this as one of my brave things for Andrea's course because it sure scares the crap out of me!

These e-courses are great because I can do them on my own timeline, don't have to arrange babysitting to show up to class, and can do it at my own pace and privately.  It seems like a good place to start experimenting and growing.

What would you do if you were being brave?


  1. thank you for sharing your journey with us all exciting to hear that you are are a brilliant writer!
    i love the way your thoughts and feelings flow on to the paper and allows me to feel intimate with you immediately!....
    you mention the words, courage and brave.
    and you ask, what would you do if you were being brave?...such a wonderful question!
    if i were allowing my self to be brave, i feel i would do whatever i have to do to conquer my being very's interesting that i just read in your above share how your assignment today was regarding asking for help...ahhh, i need to do this with exercising....with reclaiming my healthy, if i were being brave, i would be making phone calls every day and asking for help with regard to this...and just maybe, after reading your share and focusing on this question, i will allow my self to reach out and ask.

    1. Wow, that's a great brave move. I hope you can make some tiny step that makes you feel brave and proud of yourself. You and I both deserve to feel that way.